Oldne

There is a product from Neutrogena that deals with both wrinkles AND acne.  The ad says, "How is it at my age I have to worry about wrinkles AND pimples?"

So true.

WTF?

I may have inherited fine hair, canckles and an inability to curl my tongue, but I did luck out on the skin gene.  I have very British peaches and cream skin. My mum has it.  Her mum had it.  And I assume my great-grandmother had it.  Very few wrinkles, normal skin texture, creamy tone.  Yes, I am very lucky.  Except for one very ANNOYING thing:  I STILL GET ZITS!

GAH!

Again, WTF?

I am 30!  THREE ZERO!  And I feel my pimple growing capability has gotten worse as I have gotten older.  How is this fair?  I always have one on vacations - in Cape Cod the one on my chin was so huge we called it Ernie.  And I always have one for days on set.  Without fail, when I book a job I always book a zit too.

But here is the other issue:  body acne.  ICK.  I know no one talks about it, but we all know it happens.

I work out a fair bit and sweat profusely.  This has caused a problem on parts of my upper back.  The horror!  I shower but still get the blasted things where my Lululemon T-Top sits.  I beg the Engineer to pop them but he refuses (I have a friend in Vancouver who LIVES to pop zits) and says it is worse for the pimple.  But I have one so bad right now that even he thought it needed some probing.  Gross.  What do we call zits on the back?  Backne of course.

I once got a zit on my breast.  Boobne.  Sometimes they happen on the chest.  Chestne.

Now here is one that is the most horrific of all.  Assne.  That's right, zits on your ass.  GAH!  I have only had two.  Once when I was at school in London.  I thought a spider had bitten my lower left cheek because the offending mark was so big and it hurt.  But when I showed a friend of mine she sadly informed me it was a zit.  WHAT?  On my butt cheek?  The second time?  Right now.  God, how do we get zits on our butts?  Does Neutrogena make a cream for that??

I sort of want that $200 zip zapper thing from Sephora.  Is it worth it?  I don't know.  I still have yet to find the perfect eliminator of pimples.  Keihl's is okay.  That Jessica Simpson stuff is apparently good as a spot treatment but crazy drying.  Tea tree oil?  Paper bag?  Toothpaste?

I think I would rather have wrinkles that god damn zits.  It's been 15 years!  Stop torturing me you horrible red sacs of puss!!