To Sleep, Perchance to Dream

I do some pretty funky things in my sleep.  I mean besides the usual snoring, tossing, turning, stealing the blanket, hogging the bed and general stuff everyone does.  Here is some of the things I have done:

1.  Sleep Eat.  Yes, just like it sounds.  This has tapered off (thankfully) but it used to be a huge issue when I lived in a studio.  It's as if my subconscious knows something bad is in my kitchen.  ie.  cookies, cake, muffins, brie.  I get out of bed (asleep), go to the kitchen (asleep) and eat some of these treats (asleep).  

I have been known to eat a tray of Oreos and blame my roommate for eating all my cookies.  Put together the wonderful combination of Parmesan cheese and mint (I gathered I ate this as the evidence on the counter suggested in the morning).  And eat half a Costco chocolate muffin, leave the rest on my pillow, and call my cell phone from my home phone to ask what time it was (yes, I left a voicemail).

2.  Sleep Walk.  Obviously goes hand in hand with the sleep eating as I have to get there somehow.  My old roommate once found me on my way to my car (in the pouring rain) to 'make sure it was locked'.  Luckily, he put me back to bed.  He also found me rummaging in the kitchen, hunched down in the corner (again sleep eating I assume) and asked me what I was doing.  Without a word, I looked at him and poured my handful of chocolate chips onto the floor, ran to my bed and counted to ten.  I have woken up before standing beside my oven clock trying to figure out why I am not at work.  And I have also walked to another room in my house to sleep on another surface.  Spare bed, couch, mat in office.

3.  Sleep Talk.  ALL THE TIME.  In fact, just last night I was talking so much and so loud, I woke myself up by asking, "Who is talking?" in a pissed-off whisper.  The Engineer started to laugh which made me realize that annoying voice that woke me up, was mine.

4.  Sleep Laugh.  This is the best.  Nothing is better than waking up to a big belly laugh.

5.  Hog the bed.  I am sure I am not alone in this.  The Engineer always wakes me up to get me to move over.  My response?  I can see the edge of the bed!  Yes, from the middle, obviously I can see the edge.  I suppose in my sleepy logic if I can see the edge, I am by the edge.  Once, the Engineer took a photo of me as I lay in starfish position taking up the whole bed.  I would attach it, but it is terribly embarrassing.