Would You Like Fries With That . . . Bitch?

This is my second rant on this subject - forgive me.  I just can't help myself . . . 

I am back in the good old US of A. The land of apple pie and burgers.  Of liberty and the first amendment.  And of the WORST CUSTOMER SERVICE in the world (well, up there with the UK).

Wait, didn't the Americans invent customer service?  Wasn't that what Mr. Wal brought to Wal Mart?  Weren't the Americans the cornerstone of 'service with a smile' and 'the customer is always right'?  I mean I worked at the Gap where they taught us it was wrong to let someone walk into the store without being greeted by a friendly, and oh-so-preppy 'Hello'.

But no.  

Maybe in Ohio or Kansas or California.  But most definitely NOT in New York City.  I have been here less than 24 hours and already I have been the victim of horrific customer service.

As an ex-customer service person, I know we all had our bad days. Possibly more than we cared for (there is a reason I don't do it anymore, I just don't like people that much) but I always tried to smile.  Or fix a problem.  Or at least say 'thank you'.

Here?

It's like you're an asshole intruding on their special time.  The time of which they are paid a minimum of $8/hour to be nice to us.  Okay, that alone would make be bitchy, but still, I feel if you are the one sitting at a post office selling stamps and mailing letters, you can't get mad at the people who are there to buy the stamps right?

Example #1  Brooklyn Post Office

The Engineer and I wait in line for about 20 minutes to mail a small parcel to Canada.  Get to the lady.  We didn't fill out the customs form right.  So she shoved the package at us and waved the next person in line.  Wait a minute here, I am confused.  Couldn't she have said, in a nice way, you filled this out wrong (and perhaps with a 'Sorry, you did this wrong' tone as opposed to a 'You are a stupid idiot' tone).  Why don't you get your girlfriend to grab a new label (or better yet, why don't I reach for one under the counter myself) and fill it out while I calculate how much this will be to send to Canada.  Seems easy to me.  But no.  She told us to get to the back of the line in her rude, nasally voice.  The line which was now double in size because some brilliant postal employee decided to stack the envelopes behind the glass as opposed to helping customers.  I didn't understand why the Engineer just walked away.  I would of put up a fight I tells ya.

Example #2  Brooklyn Library

Go to take out books.  Realize have forgotten library card - so I use my handy dandy iPhone cardstar application.  The librarian looks at the barcode and says, "Look you, next time you want to take out books bring in the actual card.  I don't know if this is a real card.  Do you understand me?  I want the card, not the barcode.  Jesus.  begin muttering under breath and shaking head  (then back to) I don't know if this is a real card."  F*&ck lady, I get it.  Bring in the real card next time.  How 'bout asking or saying it nicely bitch?

Example #3 Newark Airport Shuttle Service

Go up to counter and ask for a shuttle to Brooklyn, please. The woman looks at me with a sneer as if I just interrupted the most important moment of her life.  Looks to me like she was just sitting there passing gas.  She tells me they 'don't no take no dogs'.  I inform her that I spoke to the shuttle company yesterday who assured me I could take a shuttle with the boys as long as they stayed in their crate.  She huffs.  Then goes on to say some drivers don't like it  I retort that perhaps she could ask the driver then.  She rolls her eyes and calls the shuttle.  Sure, they say, no problem.  She shoves a paper at me and tells me to wait over in the corner.  After ten minutes, she calls me back.  'They ain't gonna take your dogs.  You gotta take a private shuttle for $100".  I feel she could have said, "I really do apologize but we can't fit the crate in with the luggage.  The only shuttle we have available for you will cost $100 but will be private.  Does that work?".  But no.  She just huffed again and pursed her lips and I think probably passed wind again.  Fine bitch, I'll take a cab.

Canadians are constantly teased for being over polite.  But you know what?  At least we aren't complete kumquats when it comes to dealing with people.  At least we make everyone feel nice even when we can't give them what they want.  We try to help the situation and a smile always makes a person feel better.  

Read these examples and see what happens to me?  I get enraged all over again.  I want to punch people.  That's what happens when you act like a bitch to someone, they act like a bitch back.  Maybe that should be a lesson here.  Perhaps if I start using my wonderful Canadian manners in this big city, customer service workers will start being nicer.  One bitch at a time.

Nah.

Tintin arrives at the Roxy

Remember when we sat fixed to our seats as Herge's adventures of Tintin boomed out from the TV?

Well, this weekend the real thing comes to Gabriola's number one film venue, The Roxy.

It’s the third annual Tintin Film Festival at the Roxy and it’s a fundraiser for the Gabriola Elementary School Library. Roxy host Steve is going all out this year with what he describes as an "extra heavy duty, fun for all ages, full-tilt boogie film festival".

Starting off this year’s Tintin Festival Saturday afternoon are two full length Tintin animated film adventures and a live reading between the shows.

Sunday will be Steve's big, knock your socks off, tie your undies in a knot, kick out the jams fun-a-thon especially designed for the little ones. There will be an animated Tintin adventure to start with at 2pm, followed by a live skit with Tintin, Snowy, and a host of your favourite characters at 3pm. Then there will be another film adventure, and new this year, a photo opportunity for kids of all ages with their favourite Tintin characters, in the Roxy and outside in the Roxy parking lot. Anyone can have their picture taken with the characters and one of two or three amazing vintage automobiles similar to those in your favourite Tintin adventures!

So bring your family, your cameras and a small donation and all the neighbourhood kids you can muster -- it’ll be fun and it won’t hurt a bit. Come Saturday and your donation will cover both days -- how cool is that?! As Steve always says, Gabriola does provide!

How many of the characters can you name?

Sand sculpture extravaganza in Parksville

Gabriola's Sand Festival is not the only place where you can appreciate the amazing skill of the sand sculptor.

Last weekend saw the 2009 Canadian Open Sand Sculpting Competition held at Parksville Beach on Vancouver Island. Despite some anxious moments on Saturday as the breeze swept in from the ocean, some fabulous results wowed the crowds. Photographs courtesy of the Oceanside Star.

The Sand Boxers, of Victoria, pose with their $7,300 winner in the team category: "It Has A Ring To It".

Brett Stocker works on "The Portcullis".

Bruce Waugh puts the finishing touches to "On Thin Ice".

Denis Kleine finishing his sculpture titled "Grateful"

Karen Fralich’s creation "Snow Heaven" was a favourite in the solo category

Peter Vogelaar puts the finishing touches to ‘Dreams of Gold,’ winning the solo category of the 2009 Canadian Open Sand Sculpting Competition, taking home $3,800.

Ferry innovative

Cartoon courtesy of the Vancouver Sun

Meteor Showers over the islands

On the night of August 11-12, the Perseids Metor Showers are expected to be visible once again across BC. Meteor showers are associated with the left over debris from comets as they orbit the sun. This shower is associated with the comet Swift-Tuttle, discovered in July of 1862 by two independent astronomers, Lewis Swift and Horace Tuttle. Since this comet’s orbital path crossed our earth’s orbital path, we travel right through any and all debris that this comet leaves behind. Most of this consists of tiny dust and ice flakes which have fallen off the comet. When these little specks hit the earth’s atmosphere, they burn up leaving a very bright ionization trail for all to see.

Stargazers will be out in force to watch the annual Perseids meteor shower from Monday to Thursday. This year promises to be one of the best years yet with experts expecting more fireballs than usual. The best night of the week to pull up a chair to see the most frequent shooting stars is Tuesday.

This event happens as the Earth moves through the same debris field leftover by the same comet every year. The difference this year that has stargazers excited is that the debris field is thicker than usual, meaning there should be a good light show. The best time to see the most shooting stars will be just after the sun goes down until midnight. When the moon gets too high in the sky it will start to wash everything out.

The best place to get a great view will be anywhere facing northeast and away from ambient light. My front garden, in fact! If only I were there!!!

Mathematics anyone?

I am terrible at math.  Terrible.  Clearly.  The Engineer just pointed out my mistake in the previous entry.  If my math is correct, Canada is home to 36 wonderful citizens.  Whooops.  Okay fine, we each get a million to spend?  Half a billion?  

I still don't know.

The other day I was calculating gas mileage to figure out how much I would spend on gas depending on what car I rented while tooting around Europe. And by 'tooting' I do mean driving.  This is a pretty complex problem if you ask me.  Somewhere in the depths of Grade 11 math and Grade 6 problem solving, I managed to figure out that if I rented a diesel Golf and drove from France to Slovakia and everywhere in between I would need about $800.  

I was unsure.  This number seemed low. I was practically kicked out of Grade 12 - oh, I'm so bad I forget what that math is called - geometry?  No.  That really hard one.  Anyways, I wasn't allowed to take it even though I was a straight 'A' student.  Also, high school math is a really really really long time ago.  

So I called the dad.  I talked him through the problem slowly (he's getting old and apparently I talk fast).  I walked him through how I solved the problem (I even converted the math into miles and gallons!) and then he said it:  yeah, that's right.  

WHAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAT?

I was RIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIGHT?

You can't imagine my glee.  I mean pure glee.  It was like that time in Grade 11 when Mr. Kingerski handed back our first algebra test in groups of percentages, as in he would say '60's' and proceed to hand out the tests telling the class our marks.  Mean, I know.  But effective?  Yes.  He passed out the 60's, I started to sweat, then the 70's, my heart was palpitating, and then went into the 80's. I hadn't got my test back yet. I had either failed or gotten an 'A'.  I never got an 'A' in math before.  It was 84%.  I practically fainted.  

I felt the same way.  I solved a math problem.  ALL BY MYSELF.  I mean, sure I did end up rounding that number up to make up for city driving etc, but here I am, almost thirty and capable of doing math!

Go Manitoba school system!

Then I went and screwed up $75 billion by trying to divide it between Canadians.  I'll let you figure that out.  If you have 30 million people and $75 Billion, how much does each Canadian get to spend on their wedding?

Oh No They Didn't

Did you know that the US wedding industry is a 72 BILLION dollar industry?!

SEVENTY TWO BILLION!?  Do you know how much money that is?  That's like each Canadian getting $2 billion to spend on something.  Like a wedding.

The average wedding cost is $22 000 but the average annual income of a couple is $62 000.  Ummmmm.  I don't even know what to say about that.

I have some friends who were wonderfully frugal and don't regret a dime spent on their wedding.  I have others who look back and think they overspent and could have done things differently.  

The word 'wedding' seems to give permission for businesses to charge you/rape you in the butt.  Example?  A purple bridesmaid dress costs $300 at one retailer.  If you want it in white, the EXACT same dress, will cost you $980!  That's $680 more!  You could buy two more dresses for that!

What is my point?  The point is: that this is acceptable in our society.  And why?  WHY?

Because they start on us when we are barely old enough to read.  That's right.  Those marketing assholes get to us before we can even say, 'I don't believe in marriage, it's sexist'.  There is a game on sale right now for girls between the ages of 5 and 20 (ummm, oddly wide range) called 'Brighter Minds Wedding Dash'.

That's right, there is a video game out there designed for girls to play 'wedding planner' before they can write their own name.  

Is this a problem?  Is it?  Have weddings become more about the dollar than about the love?  Are we teaching girls at a young age that they should have all their dreams come true AND cocktail weenies served on wedding dress toothpicks too?  

GAH!

The Married Club

It all started a few years back when one girlfriend congratulated another girlfriend on her upcoming nuptials by saying 'I'm glad to have another member in the married club'.

I am sure she didn't mean it to sound quite so, well, sorority girl meets bridezilla.  In fact I know she didn't.  But it definitely got me to thinking about the fact that there is a 'married club'.

My friends all now read this blog so of course I have to be careful - and most of them are members of the 'oh so elite' married club.  But just know that I love you all and that you make me feel like a true honorary member.  By making me be a bridesmaid.  HA!

Anyways, there is a club.  There is no matching t-shirt with cool slogan (I was in a sorority and we did have those) or pendant.  But there is a ring (everyone's is unique of course), there is a signing initiation (the registry and the ceremony), and there is this definite sense that members of the club are privy to something the rest of us un-smug-marrieds are not.

It's weird and it always surprises me.  Girls that I least expected to be true active members of the 'club' do in fact shift to the side of slightly 'better than thou' status.  The thing is, I don't think they do it on purpose.  

I am sure it is that euphoria of the newly wededdness that makes them appear as if the answer to world peace is to simply have a wedding.  Middle East?  War in Iraq?  You would all be sooooo much better off if you just wore some ivory and did a chicken dance.

I definitely don't want this particular entry to seem bitchy/catty/jealous/bitter.  I'm just pointing out the fact that my most well-intended brides do cross that invisible barrier between the married woman and the eternal fear of being a spinster.  It's like those girls who know they can eat cheesecake for breakfast everyday and not gain an ounce.  Something about their inner-confidence regarding (a) being single or (b) cellulite - they know they don't ever have to deal with those issues EVER AGAIN.

I am fairly certain that I act like I am in the 'sucks to be single' club.  The one that listens as my single friends lament the lack of available bachelors while I sit knowing I have a loyal man waiting for me at home (or Brooklyn).  The 'I totally empathize but thank goodness I got myself a man' club.  

It's just interesting as we climb the ladder of life and move from one rung to another we watch those ahead and behind us with the musings of 'thank heavens I am not there' or 'I wish I was on that rung' each thinking we are better off where we are.

But I swear, if I hear the 'you're next' or 'do you think he'll propose soon' one more time, I might smack someone.  I haven't been invited to join your club yet, so shut it.  

Meh, I have the 'I am in a major motion picture starring some of Hollywood's hottest men' club membership.  I think that buys me some time . . . 

The Naked Truth

I am not a naked person.

I do not come from a naked family.

It isn't that I am ashamed of my body or feel the human body is disgusting.  I just feel that being naked in public is weird and uncomfortable.  

I've tried the nude/topless thing.  Once in Portugal when I was 19.  My girlfriends and I were frolicking in the sea when we decided to do as the locals.  We whipped off our bikini tops and one of us carried them back to our towels on the beach.  It felt nice.  But then it was time to get out of the water.  I waited in that sea  holding my bare breasts until my friend went and got my bikini top for me.  

I feel my nudity and bare nipples are for me alone.

I do like to skinny dip.  So long as it is super dark and you cover your bits with your hands.  In Cuba, all my friends skinny dipped each night.  Including the Engineer.  I walked into that ocean fully dressed and told everyone to cover up.  

Tonight was a random affair.  It started with me watching reruns of the Golden Girls and ended with me saying, "This would be an enchanting experience if not for the disgusting water and smell of garbage".

So much happened from those two things:  going over to Little K's for a dip in her pool, walking to the beach to watch the sunset, convincing three random guys to play Frisbee with us, playing Frisbee, swimming (clothed), eating gelato, dancing at Aub's, back to beach, skinny dipping  . . . 

Needless to say, my friends and our three random guys who are in town for a physics conference (clearly they must be nice if they are Harvard PhD candidates) had a bit to drink to think skinny dipping at 4:30 in the Pacific was a good idea.  I did not want to miss out.  I also did not want to take my clothes off.

As they frolicked, Miss Prude (Miss Sober Prude) took off her dress and pranced into the ocean in her bikini.  But seriously, it was disgusting.  The ocean in Rainy City is never particularly lovely.  It certainly isn't after a night of fireworks in which 100 000 people attend and then a day of Pride parade and festivities.  The idea that I was swimming in garbage with mysterious floaties around my ankles grossed me out. How my friends were naked is beyond me.  After all, floaty bits could go into open body bits.  Ick.

I got out. 

I was the only dressed person on the beach.  Apparently my friends inspired those around us and suddenly this nice English Bay beach turned into a nude frenzy.  To add insult to too many naked bodies, the horrid smell of garbage lingered in the air from the crazy weekend tinged with heat wave.

I immediately went home, showered, SCRUBBED and can still sort of smell rotting banana peels in my hair.

I just have to face facts. When my friends think going for a middle-of-the-night swim in their birthday suits to the local beach is a good idea, me going home to a soft and warm bed is definitely not missing out on any fun.  

Clothed or unclothed.

BC Ferries ousts Trans Fats

BC Ferries is set to be one of the first to adopt the new provincial Public Health Act regulations which restrict trans fat in all food service establishments. The company claims that it now complies with the new regulation that all soft, spreadable margarines and oils meet the restriction of two per cent or less industrially-produced trans fat.

“We are very proud to lead the way as one of the first food service operators in the province to comply with the new regulation which will help our customers make healthier choices,” said Geoff Dickson, BC Ferries’ Vice President of Food and Retail. “In addition to being one of the largest ferry operators in the world, BC Ferries is also one of the largest restaurant operators in B.C.”

BC Ferries generated $57.4 million in food and on-board revenue last year. On average,the company sells over 200,000 salads, 1.5 million cups of organic coffee and 180,000 pieces of fresh fruit each year.

Not to mention all those big breakfasts, burgers, pizzas and deep fried potato chips.
Oh, that's right. They didn't mention them!